he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
