We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
