FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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