I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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