I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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