I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
