I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
