I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
