So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
