Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
