i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
