I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I deserve this hangover.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
