I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i believe in u and ur pee
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
