she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
