Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
