i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
