He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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