I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
