Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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