be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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