Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize