I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We talked him into tasing himself.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
