I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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