I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Randomize
