I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
