After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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