You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
worst night to have a conscience
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
