She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
