Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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