Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
