i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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