i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
