Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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