She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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