We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
