she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
