I could have mohawked her pubes.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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