Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
