This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm sobbing to NWA
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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