I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
