She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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