You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Who died my cat blue again?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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