My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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