i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
