i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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