I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
