I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
