bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
