Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
