I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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