i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
