Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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