If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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