i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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