i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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