Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
