So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
