Is it normal to miss your booty call?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
