Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
