Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
