I'm going to jail i love you
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
