Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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