Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
