Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
