There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
