So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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