So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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