I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Randomize
