I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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