he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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