she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
