Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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